Batman Won’t Kill, Unless It’s Really, Super Convenient

Possible spoilers after the jump for this week’s issue of Batman: The Dark Knight by David Finch and Paul Jenkins.

 

So for the past six issues, Batman’s been dealing with Bane, who was recently redesigned with extra 90s. Batman himself was drugged and forced to fight Superman, while The Flash was poisoned. Batman recovered in time to get his ass handed to him by Bane, and The Flash managed to work out the poison by working his metabolism so fast that the poison couldn’t overcome it. Batman is attempting to defeat Bane with a vial made of green script macguffin that will counteract the Venom in Bane’s veins, but Bane just beats him a bit more. With Batman about to be thrown off a rather large cliff, The Flash returns, which is where we join the story.

So, okay. The Flash catches the vial, and throws it to Batman, who tosses it into Bane’s mouth. Bane is noticeably distraught over this, in the throws of convulsing as it hits his mouth. Batman will surely now take down his nemesis with well placed martial arts, or perhaps let him pass out under his own accord.

…oh, ok. Or he’s going to throw him off a cliff as he chokes on his own vomit. That works too.

I’m sure it’s no big deal. Last time we saw Superman, he was off in a field with The Flash. By comic book rules (The Flash is faster than Superman, because if someone is better than The Flash at his own power that’s kind of lame), then Superman would probably be arriving about now, where he can catch Bane and they can get him medical attention that he desperately needs before carting him off to Arkham Asylum or Blackgate.

….uhm, no, ok. We’re going to watch him fall several, several, several feet ( it’s implied to be a very, very long drop) to land violently on his back, breaking some bones and such, while he chokes on his own vomit, and let The Flash quip about it. Well, he’s the fastest man alive, and he wouldn’t make light of a situation this desperate…I mean, it’s Barry! He’s a bright ray of sunshine. He’s probably gonna dash down and make sure he’s okay while Batman readies his Bat-Bane-Cuffs.

Okay, guys, seriously, he’s now drowning in the ocean. While choking on his own vomit, with possible multiple fractures and breaks of his bones. This is getting pretty serious, we should probably prove we’re heroes and help the dude.

Thank God Batman is above killing the criminals he faces. Instead, he poisons them, then nonchalantly shoves them off cliffs to drown in the ocean while he poses dramatically and quips.

This is a pretty terrible book, filled to the brim with bad 90s flashbacks. Do yourself a favor and read Scott Snyder’s Batman, or Peter J. Tomasi’s Batman & Robin, where Batman isn’t a murdering bastard.